4:12am, phone at fifteen percent, typing the word into the box.
You woke up with one image still attached to you and within ninety seconds you were looking it up, in the dark, squinting, on a site with eleven adverts on it. You do not believe the site. You are not stupid and you would say so out loud. But you needed an answer shaped object to hold, because the alternative was lying there with an unresolved feeling and no container for it, and you have never been able to do that. The Eye notices the searching is the same reflex you use in daylight: something lands wrong, and rather than sit inside the not-knowing for an hour, you go and get seventeen tabs of maybe. The tabs never end it. They just move it.
Get your read — free on iPhoneTry lying there for ten minutes with the feeling and no phone. The point is not insight. The point is finding out you survive it.
you go and get seventeen tabs of maybe because sitting with the not-knowing for one hour is the thing you cannot do.
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