Am I the problem or is he?

There's a difference between being flawed — everyone is — and being the actual reason things keep collapsing. The honest version of this question usually isn't about assigning blame to you or to him. It's about noticing the pattern. Maybe you keep choosing the same emotionally unavailable type in a different body. Maybe you go quiet the second things get hard, and quiet reads as absence. Maybe it really is him, and your only mistake was staying past the evidence. You can't fix a pattern you refuse to name, and naming it starts with being specific instead of just tired.